Almost every pro-adoption publication reports negative
behaviors of adopted children and attributes these aberrations
to pre-adoption life, and specifically to the natural mother and
her family. Or the natural father and his family. This phenomena
has been labeled by adopters as the Mystery Gene.
The Mystery Gene is a nasty little fellow that can
strike at any time. It is responsible for all kinds of problems
in substitute homes. The Gene operates as a sort of malevolent
Casper to the adoptive world. Apparently this devious gene somehow
manages to escape and inhabit the child before the original birth
records can be sealed, thwarting the adopter's best attempt to
prevent its appearance. It is hard to pin down, hard to catch,
and harder to deny, even when those in closest contact with it,
are in denial themselves.
This little rascal, the Nature Gene that unfortunately
attaches itself to adopted children, can erupt in bad behaviors
without warning. It even has its own language, sort of like a
script common to the children it inhabits. The Gene speaks through
the adopted child and says things like "you're not my real
mother" - or father. It tells children to slam doors and
forget to do their homework.
One adopted boy, now an adult, reports that he grew
up believing he had inherited a Poor Student Gene that intimidated
him in the classroom and hindered his learning. He didn't know
why he had so much trouble concentrating on his schoolwork. His
adopters solemnly explained to him that he had inherited this
Bad Nature Gene from his mother, who was most likely Trailer Park
Trash amongst other sins. They seized every opportunity to reinforce
their punitive judgment of his mother.
They told him this so often that he began to believe
it. This made the Gene mad. It told the boy to behave even worse
and so he did. It told him he was No Good, just like his mother
who was a slut, a prostitute, a drug addict, and exactly like
those Bad Women in the bible who deserved to be punished for their
sins. His adoption was her punishment for her shameful behavior.
The boy learned from his adopters that he was the
result of the sin of which they spoke and that inside him was
this Very Bad Gene known as Bad Blood, which is the colloquial
expression of genetically inherited traits. He got madder and
madder, but eventually learned to swallow his rage in order to
keep the peace in the adoptive household, even though this made
him deeply unhappy. But the Bad Gene had finally stopped asking
questions which his adopters considered a Good Thing.
This adoptive child-raising technique is called
Bringing Up the Mystery Gene with Standards and Values that with
enough negative reinforcement, will convert Nature to Nurture
within about 18 years. When this grim technique works out well,
the adopted person becomes a smug, blaming, self-righteous little
prig who sneers at his natural mother, wherein his adopters congratulate
themselves on having done a fine job. It means they have won the
battle with the Rogue Gene.
An even more desirable conversion is when an adopted
child shows positive behaviors and academic gifts. The adopters
heave a sigh of relief and warmly welcome the Bad Gene's opposite
number, Nurture, which has chased away Nature and left a malleable
child in its place. Nurture can show itself in musical, academic
or sports talents, according to adopters. Sometimes it manifests
as Saintly Behavior, that can be mistaken for approval seeking
behavior, but fortunately seldom is - as someone from outside
the family may wrongly attribute that approval seeking trait to
Nurture. But that seldom happens.
Sometimes Nurture makes terrible mistakes that end
with death or injury to the adopted child. This is considered
rather unfortunate but is shrugged off as happening in all families,
not just adoptive ones. Well, thank goodness for that.
However, when the adoptive person rebels, refusing
to accept the definition of themselves or their mother as Bad,
it is clear to all that Nature has licked Nurture and the long
battle for Decency has been lost. The adopters first clue as to
the cause of their problems were things the adopted boy was saying,
such as "If I'm adopted, where is my real mother?" and
"Why didn't she want me?" - questions like that. They
didn't know how to answer which just endorsed the existence of
the Bad Gene lurking inside 'their' son. If they had shared the
same Gene, they would have known what to say. Actually, if they
had shared the same Gene, there would have been no mystery. But
they didn't and anything they told him just seemed to make the
situation worse. It was therefore quite clear that the Bad Gene
came from the Gene Tree of the natural family and not their own.
It couldn't have. After all, no one in their family had ever behaved
like that.
Gosh, During an adolescent identity crisis the boy
stopped learning completely and was subsequently diagnosed with
Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). This was attributed to the drugs
and alcohol his mother had no doubt consumed during her pregnancy.
The boy was notified of this factual evidence of the Bad Gene
that had jumped from his mother into his head and disrupted his
learning processes. This sensitive information sharing is known
as Christian Love in many adoptive homes. Needless to say the
son soon gave up the struggle to learn. Perhaps he realized he
had learned quite enough already, which shows just how smart he
really is.
This Mystery Gene is a real Trouble Maker. The longer
it stays around the worse it gets. It can force a teenager to
drive too fast, drink alcohol and use other drugs (just like the
boy's mother) and stay out well beyond curfew time. Teeth that
don’t grow straight and require expensive orthodontic treatment
can always be attributed to Nature. Everyone knows that Nurture
is not responsible for crooked teeth, although Nurture is responsible
for paying the dental bills. Nature gets bad grades and talks
back. It can be sullen and resentful when lied to about its origins.
Most of all, it can be Ungrateful, which is often the easiest
way to identify it. Luckily, adopters are good at spotting it
hanging around their home.
But the most reliable way to identify the Mystery
Gene is when the adopted child, now grown into a lanky adult -
or a short one - who may not resemble his or her adopters, brings
home the unwanted news of an unexpected and unplanned pregnancy.
The Mystery Gene has surfaced once again. Just like his/her mother,
completely irresponsible. Nothing to do with Nurture, especially
the adopters lack of responsibility in failing to provide adequate
education regarding fertility, as one might expect them to do
as a parenting duty. But I suppose that's an occupational hazard
of being an adopter - it must be so tempting to forget the potential
dangers of fertility associated with Nature, that old Rogue Gene
that just won't stay away.
This in-your-face fertility is the worst thing the
Rogue Gene can do. The situation frequently ends in yet another
adoption, which is the only way to get the Rogue Gene under control.
You actually have to breed it out of existence if you want it
to shut up. If the purpose of the boy's adoption was to obscure
the adopters infertility problem, then the Rogue Gene was really
asking for its own obliteration - and so brought its expulsion
from this Sacred Adoptive Family Unit upon itself. Entirely.
But what beats me is - how did this boy's mother
- this socially, educationally, economically challenged young
woman with such incredibly high-risk behaviors, even live long
enough to give birth to her son in the first place?. Adopters
know for a fact she would have stopped off on the way to the trailer
park to shoot up, get drunk, have sex with goodness knows who,
then crash the stolen car she was joyriding in, along with her
equally worthless friends.
And given the poverty status of most first mothers
during pregnancy, how they and their families could even afford
to support the expensive Bad Habits of that Evil Gene is the Real
Mystery. It is perplexing. Social workers, researchers and policy
makers should look into this. The Mystery Gene will still be there,
waiting to be noticed. I think it's just been trying to get their
attention, all along.
Copyright © 2003 Joss Shawyer
